2nd time of writing this as MSN auto-logged me out - doesn't make it any easier! Ok, I'm an OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) sufferer - an illness of which there's a lot of misdiagnosis and misunderstanding on behalf of many people, and secrecy and shame from many sufferers. Not here though - the following isn't easy for me to write (and may not be to read), but it's important I do so all the same. I suffer from what's called 'pure-o', the purely obsessive strain of OCD. My rituals don't manifest physically like compulsive tidyers or cleaners, but involve an endless repetition of events, images and thoughts designed to upset me. Less obvious but maybe more mentally exhausting, and I've suffered with the illness in its major state for nearly 8 years. Like with all OCD, I believe its caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain - specifically chemicals like serotonin, which are meant to manage and modulate a persons stress impulses. In the OCD sufferer, the body simply doesn't generate enough and distribute it effectively - the result is chaos and totally irrational anxiety, which can lead to phobias, panic disorders, an inability to function, depression and other mental offshoots - suicide isn't uncommon in the worst cases. As with many other sufferers, my obsessions and anxieties funneled into particular areas. One (the main one) is called 'H-OCD' (which is a fear of being homosexual), the other (a lesser one) is referred to as 'P-OCD' (a fear of being attracted to children). It's vital to state here that neither are real - they are both OCD-driven, NOT driven by the individuals sexuality in any way and purely based in anxiety, nothing more. An OCD sufferer finds these thoughts and images repulsive not attractive and would never, ever act on anything they think - in fact, they're aware that their thinking and fears is/are irrational. They simply cannot control it. You can imagine how disturbing that is...anyway, in brief, I finally snapped after suffering in silence for 7 years a year ago and had a breakdown. At that point I finally went to a GP - a month ago, I finally got a 100% diagnosis from a psychiatrist that it is OCD (and welcome reassurance that I am no pervert or am 'in denial' - it's a common OCD thing). Work ditched me fairly quickly after I became ill (nice of them) but full-time employment is still a long way away for me at the mo. But the past year has seen me gradually start getting better and, with the right medication, the next 6 months should see me get stable. Unfortunately, OCD is incurable - just controllable. But after the past 8 years, I'll settle for that.